A couple of decades ago my daughter went through a rough period of injury then illness. We frequently had to go to the big city hospital a couple of hours away. I quickly figured out that if I dressed way up, in formal business class garb, that we received much better attention and care. After a year I thought maybe it was all in my head so for one appointment I dressed in my normal schlubby comfy clothes, only to be shocked at the degradation in care we received. The lesson was duly learned and keeping my goals in mind, I dressed up for any in-person appointments ever since then.
I've always told myself that if I ever win the mother lode one day, I'm going to dress like my usual self (sweats and no makeup) and walk into a Mercedes dealership to see if I get ignored. Whichever salesperson appears to treat me like a customer without judging will get the sale in cash AND a new car for him/herself.
You know what's refreshing and fortunately still the case? That the upper class in the UK would often wear tatty clothes and drive a filthy battered car (their accent is a give away though)!
Which probably really puzzles a lot of Americans because here the old money isn't on show. It's probably the only place I can think of as Europeans also feel the need for a lot of signifiers.
There is a wonderful book written by an English anthropologist called 'Watching the English' that you might enjoy and covers this topic really nicely!
I just love it when people don't have this need to show off their money and are humble about their privilege (or financial success - if they didn't just inherit the money)
Rita Hayworth (one of the most stunning and iconic actresses of Hollywood Golden Age) would often say:
“Men would go to bed with Gilda (her most famous role) and wake up with me. And every time, they were disappointed.”
Actors have known the power of make up since Shakespearean times. And unfortunately, or fortunately, you learn a whole lot about someone who reacts to you when you’re not Instagram ready.
I worked with a men's stylist a few years back and changed most of my wardrobe. (In yet another male privilege, being stylish as a man consists mainly of wearing clothes that properly fit.) I didn't think much of it at first but people treated me entirely differently afterwards. This was most pronounced in clothing stores, funnily enough.
As a Brit in the US, I have deliberately dressed down when making an expensive purchase like a car. I find it gives me a lot more time to contemplate my options without being bothered by pushy sales folk.
This is so spot on and such a good read! When I used to go to Home Depot in my sweatpants and no make up and I'd have to flag down an employee to help me. I told my male friend about this and he said try going in wearing some make up and showing some cleavage and watch the difference it makes. He was never so right! Now when I go to Home Depot, I get dressed like I'm going somewhere fancy. Sabrinalabow.substack.com
Sometimes, when I see a guy dressed up in button-down shirt, pressed slacks, the right color socks, and leather shoes, I think maybe I should give it a try, but next morning I dress up with lumberjack shirt, T-shirt with a message, pajama pants or blue/black jeans, fairly matching socks, and crocs. I guess I don't really care what people think. ( I always wear some form of pants, though!). My son is a lot wealthier than I am, and when he goes to work, he looks the part, but at home he dresses a lot like me. Is it true that some old-money people show up for breakfast dressed in coat and tie?
I think if people can dress up at breakfast, and they aren't on their way to a job that requires that, it kind of shows that they aren't doing anything physical. I am NOT dressed up right now. First I made sourdough pancakes for my husband (I don't eat breakfast but he does and my sourdough needed to be used up so I could feed it and have it strong enough to make bread -- this is a never-ending thing at my house) and cleaned the kitchen. Then I picked violets (I'm indulging myself in making some violet jelly -- for gifts if it comes out!) and walked my dogs. When I finish writing today, I've got scads of dirty yard work to do. I'll clean myself up AFTER I've finished that dirty work.
A friend, leafing through my high school year book from my year as an exchange student, commented: “You stick out like a sore thumb, don’t you. Apart from anything else, your head is a different shape to anyone else’s.” At the time I was doing my best to fit in.
Yes, we were both still very young at this point. Thought to speech went through very little review. She wasn’t being mean, just amazed. There was nothing wrong with either head shape, rural hoosiers ran to squarer and mine is more ovoid. Though, come to think if it, when I considered getting my head shaved, my hairdresser begged me not to: “You don’t have the right head shape to carry off the Sinead look”, he told me, in some concern.
Thank you! I think it is unremarkable too but then I don’t look at it all that much. My feelings were only mildly bruised at the time. I shared because it seemed relevant to the idea of passing as upper class (or French).
So utterly true. I am continually judged adversely by my appearance but the totally unjust thing is - I judge other people just as cruelly by their appearance. We all do it.
The odd thing is,as a woman,or a female at least you can be TOO ATTRACTIVE and that can be a drawback. That's not my issue sadly!
Apr 13·edited Apr 13Liked by Untrickled by Michelle Teheux
Well I know this is not the main point, but I was fascinated by how successfully dowdy and plain Keri Russell was made to look in The Americans. When they wanted to make her invisibly plain (as Martha's "sister-in-law" for example), they made everything the same color: hair, skin, lips, dress, glasses. Zero contrast. At her most vampy, everything was super high-contrast: black hair, red lips, white skin, black dress.
And of course, to your point, there's a fancy way to achieve high contrast, and a low-cost-looking way, too.
Sigh..now I'm thoroughly depressed. Gosh, how I hate class warfare. Humanity first, your heart, your soul, your spirit. Good clothing is fine but with attitude adjustment, please, if you are "dressed to kill". As much as I love clothing, it does not mend a broken heart nor "bind up the brokenhearted" as Christ did. I grew up around salt of the earth people. I prefer them to this day.
Apr 13·edited Apr 13Liked by Untrickled by Michelle Teheux
Thanks, Michelle, likewise! I grew up middle class from the honorable labor of both parents (Dad a railroad switchman and Mom a Registered Nurse). I stumbled out into the world with nary a clue. I have never achieved middle class status, not even close. Class is such a narrow road. Your "fortunes" can change in a second and you are always running to keep up with the latest and greatest. I used to do Personal Assistant work, like running errands, chores in someone's home, organizing, etc. I would sometimes work in homes in Pacific Heights, the very wealthiest area of San Francisco. They were just houses, albeit LARGE...but filled with STUFF and more STUFF and more STUFF. Good grief, too much. I'm an Elder fighting to keep the basics afloat, roof, food, clothing, a few extras to cushion the journey. I live for Eternity with God and Son. You keep writing, Michelle! You have something to say!
Jane, thank you for recommening the Randy Travis song, "better class of loser." I was not sure of the song because of the title...as I am no "loser", but I did understand the context, once I listened to the song. Life is short, it roars by and we cannot take one thing with us when we leave, except our spiritual wealth. I would rather have that, than "stuff". I have no problem with wealthy people. Some of them that I met in San Francisco were honorable people who worked for their wealth and did good things with it. I do not support any class warfare, as it does nothing good for anyone. Thanks again for the song!!
I'm glad you liked the song,it's funny and warm hearted but I do agree with you,I've met wealthy people who strike you as how genuinely nice they are,kind,imaginative and encouraging. Maybe it's the super,ultra rich who have a problem!
What does it say when a woman basically wears what I call the "Mom Uniform" - leggings, running shoes and a long top/tunic of some kind? She's usually barefaced but sometimes with lipgloss. Oh, and that regulation Mom Bun or Ponytail.
A couple of decades ago my daughter went through a rough period of injury then illness. We frequently had to go to the big city hospital a couple of hours away. I quickly figured out that if I dressed way up, in formal business class garb, that we received much better attention and care. After a year I thought maybe it was all in my head so for one appointment I dressed in my normal schlubby comfy clothes, only to be shocked at the degradation in care we received. The lesson was duly learned and keeping my goals in mind, I dressed up for any in-person appointments ever since then.
This is really alarming and upsetting.
I had a situation like this at a car dealership for an ongoing issue with my car. I always dress up now too because it's a very real thing!
Yep,how you present yourself matters. Very wise idea
I don't personally put much effort into it, though.
I've always told myself that if I ever win the mother lode one day, I'm going to dress like my usual self (sweats and no makeup) and walk into a Mercedes dealership to see if I get ignored. Whichever salesperson appears to treat me like a customer without judging will get the sale in cash AND a new car for him/herself.
Please come to my dealership. Looking forward to doing business with you :D
Rightfully deserved it!
You know what's refreshing and fortunately still the case? That the upper class in the UK would often wear tatty clothes and drive a filthy battered car (their accent is a give away though)!
Which probably really puzzles a lot of Americans because here the old money isn't on show. It's probably the only place I can think of as Europeans also feel the need for a lot of signifiers.
There is a wonderful book written by an English anthropologist called 'Watching the English' that you might enjoy and covers this topic really nicely!
I wish it were the case everywhere. I’d fit right in with my car and clothes — my midwestern accent is here to stay, though.
I suspect I could spot someone from Chelsea in tatty clothes.
I could be overestimating my spot-an-upper-class-person ability, though.
Wouldn't it be fun to suddenly stop everyone on the street and run an experiment?
I'm a bit shy when walking down the street. It would be very interesting to know the results--however.
I have a friend like that. She looks like a Bag Lady but is very posh and well spoken. People respect her.
I just love it when people don't have this need to show off their money and are humble about their privilege (or financial success - if they didn't just inherit the money)
Rita Hayworth (one of the most stunning and iconic actresses of Hollywood Golden Age) would often say:
“Men would go to bed with Gilda (her most famous role) and wake up with me. And every time, they were disappointed.”
Actors have known the power of make up since Shakespearean times. And unfortunately, or fortunately, you learn a whole lot about someone who reacts to you when you’re not Instagram ready.
How sad. Nobody was more beautiful than Rita Hayworth!
I worked with a men's stylist a few years back and changed most of my wardrobe. (In yet another male privilege, being stylish as a man consists mainly of wearing clothes that properly fit.) I didn't think much of it at first but people treated me entirely differently afterwards. This was most pronounced in clothing stores, funnily enough.
As a Brit in the US, I have deliberately dressed down when making an expensive purchase like a car. I find it gives me a lot more time to contemplate my options without being bothered by pushy sales folk.
This depresses me.
I don’t want this to be true but it appears it is. There’s no hope for people like me who are allergic to fashion!
This is so spot on and such a good read! When I used to go to Home Depot in my sweatpants and no make up and I'd have to flag down an employee to help me. I told my male friend about this and he said try going in wearing some make up and showing some cleavage and watch the difference it makes. He was never so right! Now when I go to Home Depot, I get dressed like I'm going somewhere fancy. Sabrinalabow.substack.com
Isn’t it AWFUL that this is true? Here’s a related and excellent read:
https://medium.com/sybarite/the-sybarite-newsletter-add-more-lipstick-and-attack-ee500b87dc82
I have a different approach: I aggressively force them to provide service. I will not be ignored.
Sometimes, when I see a guy dressed up in button-down shirt, pressed slacks, the right color socks, and leather shoes, I think maybe I should give it a try, but next morning I dress up with lumberjack shirt, T-shirt with a message, pajama pants or blue/black jeans, fairly matching socks, and crocs. I guess I don't really care what people think. ( I always wear some form of pants, though!). My son is a lot wealthier than I am, and when he goes to work, he looks the part, but at home he dresses a lot like me. Is it true that some old-money people show up for breakfast dressed in coat and tie?
I think if people can dress up at breakfast, and they aren't on their way to a job that requires that, it kind of shows that they aren't doing anything physical. I am NOT dressed up right now. First I made sourdough pancakes for my husband (I don't eat breakfast but he does and my sourdough needed to be used up so I could feed it and have it strong enough to make bread -- this is a never-ending thing at my house) and cleaned the kitchen. Then I picked violets (I'm indulging myself in making some violet jelly -- for gifts if it comes out!) and walked my dogs. When I finish writing today, I've got scads of dirty yard work to do. I'll clean myself up AFTER I've finished that dirty work.
Amen! I am the female version of this 😁
A friend, leafing through my high school year book from my year as an exchange student, commented: “You stick out like a sore thumb, don’t you. Apart from anything else, your head is a different shape to anyone else’s.” At the time I was doing my best to fit in.
Wow. You sure she's a friend?
Yes, we were both still very young at this point. Thought to speech went through very little review. She wasn’t being mean, just amazed. There was nothing wrong with either head shape, rural hoosiers ran to squarer and mine is more ovoid. Though, come to think if it, when I considered getting my head shaved, my hairdresser begged me not to: “You don’t have the right head shape to carry off the Sinead look”, he told me, in some concern.
Best as I can tell from the tiny headshots we have on this platform, your head is completely normal and fine!
Thank you! I think it is unremarkable too but then I don’t look at it all that much. My feelings were only mildly bruised at the time. I shared because it seemed relevant to the idea of passing as upper class (or French).
So utterly true. I am continually judged adversely by my appearance but the totally unjust thing is - I judge other people just as cruelly by their appearance. We all do it.
The odd thing is,as a woman,or a female at least you can be TOO ATTRACTIVE and that can be a drawback. That's not my issue sadly!
It's like a birth defect
Well I know this is not the main point, but I was fascinated by how successfully dowdy and plain Keri Russell was made to look in The Americans. When they wanted to make her invisibly plain (as Martha's "sister-in-law" for example), they made everything the same color: hair, skin, lips, dress, glasses. Zero contrast. At her most vampy, everything was super high-contrast: black hair, red lips, white skin, black dress.
And of course, to your point, there's a fancy way to achieve high contrast, and a low-cost-looking way, too.
I found it fascinating, too!
Can the stylists for that show please come to my house and show me how to turn dowdy to amazing?!?
Sigh..now I'm thoroughly depressed. Gosh, how I hate class warfare. Humanity first, your heart, your soul, your spirit. Good clothing is fine but with attitude adjustment, please, if you are "dressed to kill". As much as I love clothing, it does not mend a broken heart nor "bind up the brokenhearted" as Christ did. I grew up around salt of the earth people. I prefer them to this day.
I’d probably rather hang out with you than most wealthy people.
Thanks, Michelle, likewise! I grew up middle class from the honorable labor of both parents (Dad a railroad switchman and Mom a Registered Nurse). I stumbled out into the world with nary a clue. I have never achieved middle class status, not even close. Class is such a narrow road. Your "fortunes" can change in a second and you are always running to keep up with the latest and greatest. I used to do Personal Assistant work, like running errands, chores in someone's home, organizing, etc. I would sometimes work in homes in Pacific Heights, the very wealthiest area of San Francisco. They were just houses, albeit LARGE...but filled with STUFF and more STUFF and more STUFF. Good grief, too much. I'm an Elder fighting to keep the basics afloat, roof, food, clothing, a few extras to cushion the journey. I live for Eternity with God and Son. You keep writing, Michelle! You have something to say!
My favourite Randy Travis song comes to mind,"Better class of loser".
Jane, thank you for recommening the Randy Travis song, "better class of loser." I was not sure of the song because of the title...as I am no "loser", but I did understand the context, once I listened to the song. Life is short, it roars by and we cannot take one thing with us when we leave, except our spiritual wealth. I would rather have that, than "stuff". I have no problem with wealthy people. Some of them that I met in San Francisco were honorable people who worked for their wealth and did good things with it. I do not support any class warfare, as it does nothing good for anyone. Thanks again for the song!!
I'm glad you liked the song,it's funny and warm hearted but I do agree with you,I've met wealthy people who strike you as how genuinely nice they are,kind,imaginative and encouraging. Maybe it's the super,ultra rich who have a problem!
Jane, I don't know but some of the wealthy I met or worked for in San Francisco were
totally salt of the earth people. Perhaps rare, I do not know! Not there anymore, grateful for that.
Who would want to???
I wouldn't, except when pantless in Florida.
What does it say when a woman basically wears what I call the "Mom Uniform" - leggings, running shoes and a long top/tunic of some kind? She's usually barefaced but sometimes with lipgloss. Oh, and that regulation Mom Bun or Ponytail.
Laughed out loud at your thoughts while waiting outside:) interesting read, thanks very much xo
To answer your title question: some people try to, but it's very hard.
So true, sadly. I guess that’s why we have aesthetic this and aesthetic that. Chose one feel better ❤️🩹 onwards!
I've chosen "tired old writer" as my personal aesthetic.