When I was a kid in the '70s, my parents were only able to give us 50 cents a week. We had to save up to indulge in treats at Cock Robin, which was better than McDonalds!
My parents, sadly, were bad with credit cards and they had to cut them up. They resisted ever getting cards again and they had no credit, which is almost as bad as having poor credit.
I have no cards right now and couldn't care less what my credit score is.
Because I got cancer when I was 26, I've always had medical bills which ruin your credit. If politicians actually cared about We the People, they'd change the laws so people who have lots of medical bills do not suffer from lousy credit. No one asks to have health problems. It's so unfair.
The bad news for us Brits is that for the last 40 years our successive political administrations have been trying to get the US style healthcare system installed here,and despite the current political administration no sign of any turnbacks and people are getting acclimatised to it and opting to go private even if it means their whole life savings rather than go on the waiting list.
The closest I get to teaching my grandkids about money management is taking them to FIVE BELOW, a store with all kinds of stuff $5 or less. I tell them they can spend $20 total. You can't imagine how much time and how many negotiations, plus taking stuff and putting it back in favor of better stuff. The entertainment value for me is easily worth the $20 !
It's so wonderful that now in IL all kids get free breakfast and lunch. My son is in high school and can eat for 3 people each meal and he says there's a lot of food available (and the lunch ladies give huge portions) so he's happy. And this has saved us soooo much money that we definitely need. The school has food court Fridays, where they bring fast food to the cafeteria. After my don spent $50 in one month of his own cash on this, he realized it was something he no longer wwanted to waste his own money on. That was a proud money moment for me!
I rarely write checks anymore. Usually, it is to pay the fee for a camping site on public land; they have no card machines and do not accept cash. I only carry a few and am many states away from my supply, which sits in a cabinet in a storage locker.
In fact, most place have cashiers younger than my youngest child, who, like your son, have also never written a check. Unless they have been a cashier for a while, they look suspiciously at the paper , wondering how to tell if it’s any good or not—unlike paper bills, those marker pens don’t work.
They can’t. One day, sooner than later, no checks will be allowed anywhere; there is just too much risk, and they are SO 1999, aren’t they?
Sep 23·edited Sep 23Liked by Untrickled by Michelle Teheux
"Money isn’t the root of all evil – people often forget the Bible verse actually says it’s the love of money that is the root of all evil."
The classic Kenny Gamble-Leon Huff-Anthony Jackson tune "For The Love Of Money", made famous by the O'Jays, is exactly on that topic, explaining how avarice makes people do wrong when they should be using money to do right. Unfortunately, I sometimes hear it on the soundtrack of films and TV shows which are about MAKING money, which is definitely not the point!
I read a story some time ago in a well-known national news outlet that took a look at billionaires and tried to explain why they don’t just stop and enjoy the money they cannot possibly spend before they die.
I came away with the basic belief that they are like professional or other high-level athletes, such as Olympians. They have been in the ultra-focused, highly-competitive mindset for so long that they cannot imagine how to change, or why they would want to.
We've used Greenlight for a couple years now and it's been totally worth it and a really positive experience. I feel like there are so many apps for everything these days so I didn't have super high expectations but it's really exceeded any expectations that I had. It's worked seamlessly for us and my kids have enjoyed the increased independence and ability to earn and use their money on their own. My oldest is 17 so he will save and spend independently and if he needs money for something I've agreed to pay for (like a recent college application fee), I can easily send it to him in about 30 seconds and he can take care of the task himself. It has also sparked lots of good discussions around saving and my younger kids have gotten more comfortable purchasing things for themselves, interacting with cashiers, etc. when we're out and about.
We didn’t get allowances in our family. My parents had their own business so we could work for them if we wanted “fun money” and they paid us or we could get a job elsewhere. We also got paid for any A on our report cards and a dollar for each year old we were on our birthdays. My parents didn’t use credit cards although as business owners they got some things on credit accounts. It was a different world. My sisters and I are all retired and doing okay financially. My Dad listened to the stock market report in the car wherever he went so we learned about investing early. My son is very frugal because of the trauma our family experienced after 2008 when both my husband and I got laid off and couldn’t find work.
This brought up a couple of things for me. Neither is a criticism! You're clearly a terrific grandma!
The thing with the donuts. In a book I read several years ago there was a section about data based research into happiness/satisfaction. One of the things the research found was that we tend to believe that the big things are what are going to bring us pleasure but often it is the little things that bring us the more sustained pleasures. We save up for a year to buy a fridge thinking it's going to make us happy and it does. For a week or two. And then it just becomes part of your life. Whereas the the nice coffee (or donut!) You treat yourself to daily brings a lot of satisfaction on the regular. You enjoy looking forward to it and you enjoy it while you are consuming it. On the whole, it's generally a better value than the fridge. I'm paraphrasing this really badly but hopefully you get the gist. It changed the way I thought about "frivolities".
The other point is about tying allowance to chores. I've had differences with both my partners about this but I've always felt allowance should not be tied to chores. When we do that for adults it's called workfare and lots of people, including me, are very opposed to that. I'm much more a proponent of a guaranteed minimum income. I think every human / living thing has intrinsic value that is not tied to its productivity. We all have a right to certain things and those should not be tied to our productivity. In my opinion that also applies to children. I think children should do a reasonable amount of chores because it teaches good values like family helping family. To me this is more values based than transactional. And I think kids should also have an allowance for the same reasons that I think adults should have a guaranteed income.
I think those are good points but it will vary by family/individual. I have to say I have for most of my life not been able to afford the small pleasures -- even now we make all our coffee at home and I cook (almost all) of our food from scratch. It mainly involves adopting a mindset -- my husband makes really good coffee and I make very good homemade sourdough bread, so we aren't missing out on the pleasure aspect. I did splurge a bit after my viral story sent me a windfall, but I don't want to get into the habit of buying non-essentials because I can't sustain that. I do think that the prospect of earning some pocket money will make it easier to motivate my grandchildren to do certain chores consistently. I've left the exact choices up to my daughter (their mother) though -- my only role is to bankroll this experiment. And again, I'm EXTREMELY grateful for all the people who subscribe to me here, read my stories on Medium or buy my book, because those are the things that allowed me to commit to covering this cost and other recent splurges. I did purchase a used food processor today which will allow me to easily process all my basil into pesto for winter, and I wouldn't have spent that money previously, so you see, I really AM capable of spending money sometimes!
I used to make pesto by the gallon. It was my main value added crop for the few years that I farmed. I used roasted slivered almonds. Very delicious and about 1/3 the cost of pine nuts!
This a fantastic and inspiring piece. I loved it. Your son sounds like a born winner. I'm more in the mould of your daughter. After years of I think,managing quite well I seemed to lose all restraint this year and am in a worse hole than I've been in my life before but with God's help I can fix it. Why God decided my whole life should be low income in the first place is a bit annoying but,despite the USA 'you can do and be anything you want if you just believe' that's so not true. I was brought up in a household in which the idea (maybe true too) that Money was invented by Satan and He ran the World Money System (now that's definitely true) was the ruling idea. This money was wicked and your aim should be to have as little as possible. Which I've found,in this world,is not that hard to achieve. Likewise embracing suffering,well the World is quite liberal with piling suffering on you if you let it. I respect the sincerity and genuine belief of the parent who held this idea on life but it's never worked for me and now I think "being poor" with the idea that other people or even God will provide for you and give you stuff. Well,apart from that it's a Freeloaders Charter,a Panhandlers Ethics,it doesn't happen anyway,thank goodness. Think of the Moral Danger of being a young woman needing to get by,by being "liked". Very creepy. For the last 8 years I used to "share" surplus money with my close neighbour/pal (but made sure I was always paid back but if I ever needed something it was noticeable how my 'pal' was just out of carrots,or potato's or slices of bread or time to talk to me. I feel less altruistic now.
Excellent article. I wish I'd been like your son!
When I was a kid in the '70s, my parents were only able to give us 50 cents a week. We had to save up to indulge in treats at Cock Robin, which was better than McDonalds!
My parents, sadly, were bad with credit cards and they had to cut them up. They resisted ever getting cards again and they had no credit, which is almost as bad as having poor credit.
I have no cards right now and couldn't care less what my credit score is.
Because I got cancer when I was 26, I've always had medical bills which ruin your credit. If politicians actually cared about We the People, they'd change the laws so people who have lots of medical bills do not suffer from lousy credit. No one asks to have health problems. It's so unfair.
That’s completely unfair. I am so sorry to hear you are being hurt by this crazy system.
The bad news for us Brits is that for the last 40 years our successive political administrations have been trying to get the US style healthcare system installed here,and despite the current political administration no sign of any turnbacks and people are getting acclimatised to it and opting to go private even if it means their whole life savings rather than go on the waiting list.
The closest I get to teaching my grandkids about money management is taking them to FIVE BELOW, a store with all kinds of stuff $5 or less. I tell them they can spend $20 total. You can't imagine how much time and how many negotiations, plus taking stuff and putting it back in favor of better stuff. The entertainment value for me is easily worth the $20 !
That sounds like a fun outing.
It's so wonderful that now in IL all kids get free breakfast and lunch. My son is in high school and can eat for 3 people each meal and he says there's a lot of food available (and the lunch ladies give huge portions) so he's happy. And this has saved us soooo much money that we definitely need. The school has food court Fridays, where they bring fast food to the cafeteria. After my don spent $50 in one month of his own cash on this, he realized it was something he no longer wwanted to waste his own money on. That was a proud money moment for me!
I did not realize this! But it’s great news. It used to be very difficult to come up with that money.
I rarely write checks anymore. Usually, it is to pay the fee for a camping site on public land; they have no card machines and do not accept cash. I only carry a few and am many states away from my supply, which sits in a cabinet in a storage locker.
In fact, most place have cashiers younger than my youngest child, who, like your son, have also never written a check. Unless they have been a cashier for a while, they look suspiciously at the paper , wondering how to tell if it’s any good or not—unlike paper bills, those marker pens don’t work.
They can’t. One day, sooner than later, no checks will be allowed anywhere; there is just too much risk, and they are SO 1999, aren’t they?
"Money isn’t the root of all evil – people often forget the Bible verse actually says it’s the love of money that is the root of all evil."
The classic Kenny Gamble-Leon Huff-Anthony Jackson tune "For The Love Of Money", made famous by the O'Jays, is exactly on that topic, explaining how avarice makes people do wrong when they should be using money to do right. Unfortunately, I sometimes hear it on the soundtrack of films and TV shows which are about MAKING money, which is definitely not the point!
Moderation in all things, including ones love for financial security.
Really, how many more billions do billionaires need?
All of them. They want every penny on Earth in their pockets.
I read a story some time ago in a well-known national news outlet that took a look at billionaires and tried to explain why they don’t just stop and enjoy the money they cannot possibly spend before they die.
I came away with the basic belief that they are like professional or other high-level athletes, such as Olympians. They have been in the ultra-focused, highly-competitive mindset for so long that they cannot imagine how to change, or why they would want to.
Yes! Love the O'Jays, especially that hit!
I'll look for that song on YT music. One I don't know.
We've used Greenlight for a couple years now and it's been totally worth it and a really positive experience. I feel like there are so many apps for everything these days so I didn't have super high expectations but it's really exceeded any expectations that I had. It's worked seamlessly for us and my kids have enjoyed the increased independence and ability to earn and use their money on their own. My oldest is 17 so he will save and spend independently and if he needs money for something I've agreed to pay for (like a recent college application fee), I can easily send it to him in about 30 seconds and he can take care of the task himself. It has also sparked lots of good discussions around saving and my younger kids have gotten more comfortable purchasing things for themselves, interacting with cashiers, etc. when we're out and about.
This is exactly the kind of experience I’m hoping for!
We didn’t get allowances in our family. My parents had their own business so we could work for them if we wanted “fun money” and they paid us or we could get a job elsewhere. We also got paid for any A on our report cards and a dollar for each year old we were on our birthdays. My parents didn’t use credit cards although as business owners they got some things on credit accounts. It was a different world. My sisters and I are all retired and doing okay financially. My Dad listened to the stock market report in the car wherever he went so we learned about investing early. My son is very frugal because of the trauma our family experienced after 2008 when both my husband and I got laid off and couldn’t find work.
Childhood financial trauma marks you forever.
I'm glad you were able to retire and are doing OK now.
This brought up a couple of things for me. Neither is a criticism! You're clearly a terrific grandma!
The thing with the donuts. In a book I read several years ago there was a section about data based research into happiness/satisfaction. One of the things the research found was that we tend to believe that the big things are what are going to bring us pleasure but often it is the little things that bring us the more sustained pleasures. We save up for a year to buy a fridge thinking it's going to make us happy and it does. For a week or two. And then it just becomes part of your life. Whereas the the nice coffee (or donut!) You treat yourself to daily brings a lot of satisfaction on the regular. You enjoy looking forward to it and you enjoy it while you are consuming it. On the whole, it's generally a better value than the fridge. I'm paraphrasing this really badly but hopefully you get the gist. It changed the way I thought about "frivolities".
The other point is about tying allowance to chores. I've had differences with both my partners about this but I've always felt allowance should not be tied to chores. When we do that for adults it's called workfare and lots of people, including me, are very opposed to that. I'm much more a proponent of a guaranteed minimum income. I think every human / living thing has intrinsic value that is not tied to its productivity. We all have a right to certain things and those should not be tied to our productivity. In my opinion that also applies to children. I think children should do a reasonable amount of chores because it teaches good values like family helping family. To me this is more values based than transactional. And I think kids should also have an allowance for the same reasons that I think adults should have a guaranteed income.
I think those are good points but it will vary by family/individual. I have to say I have for most of my life not been able to afford the small pleasures -- even now we make all our coffee at home and I cook (almost all) of our food from scratch. It mainly involves adopting a mindset -- my husband makes really good coffee and I make very good homemade sourdough bread, so we aren't missing out on the pleasure aspect. I did splurge a bit after my viral story sent me a windfall, but I don't want to get into the habit of buying non-essentials because I can't sustain that. I do think that the prospect of earning some pocket money will make it easier to motivate my grandchildren to do certain chores consistently. I've left the exact choices up to my daughter (their mother) though -- my only role is to bankroll this experiment. And again, I'm EXTREMELY grateful for all the people who subscribe to me here, read my stories on Medium or buy my book, because those are the things that allowed me to commit to covering this cost and other recent splurges. I did purchase a used food processor today which will allow me to easily process all my basil into pesto for winter, and I wouldn't have spent that money previously, so you see, I really AM capable of spending money sometimes!
I used to make pesto by the gallon. It was my main value added crop for the few years that I farmed. I used roasted slivered almonds. Very delicious and about 1/3 the cost of pine nuts!
This a fantastic and inspiring piece. I loved it. Your son sounds like a born winner. I'm more in the mould of your daughter. After years of I think,managing quite well I seemed to lose all restraint this year and am in a worse hole than I've been in my life before but with God's help I can fix it. Why God decided my whole life should be low income in the first place is a bit annoying but,despite the USA 'you can do and be anything you want if you just believe' that's so not true. I was brought up in a household in which the idea (maybe true too) that Money was invented by Satan and He ran the World Money System (now that's definitely true) was the ruling idea. This money was wicked and your aim should be to have as little as possible. Which I've found,in this world,is not that hard to achieve. Likewise embracing suffering,well the World is quite liberal with piling suffering on you if you let it. I respect the sincerity and genuine belief of the parent who held this idea on life but it's never worked for me and now I think "being poor" with the idea that other people or even God will provide for you and give you stuff. Well,apart from that it's a Freeloaders Charter,a Panhandlers Ethics,it doesn't happen anyway,thank goodness. Think of the Moral Danger of being a young woman needing to get by,by being "liked". Very creepy. For the last 8 years I used to "share" surplus money with my close neighbour/pal (but made sure I was always paid back but if I ever needed something it was noticeable how my 'pal' was just out of carrots,or potato's or slices of bread or time to talk to me. I feel less altruistic now.