I live in cohousing. There is a movement in the U.S. where people are buying and building intentional neighborhoods. Much more than sharing random coffees, we have a common house for shared meals, two guest bedrooms, a craft room, community garden and orchard where members socialize and collaborate. The interstitial connections weave a fabric of security that I never found in a church or group. It’s also hard work to learn and create consensual styles of living. We all
have private homes thank goodness but we are growing a “we” space that is palpable. See cohousing.org
The commenter above posted a link cohousing.org and the communities I’ve visited personally are Eno Commons and Earthhaven in North Carolina and the Miccosukee Land Cooperative in N FL.
Wow, you're the first choosing resident I've come across around here. I'm an early adopter of one in Georgia, moved in 10 weeks ago as the second resident. We're basically taking over an existing neighborhood where 1/4 of the houses are in a holding agreement until one of us (early retirees, as young as 33 so far) wants to buy. Otherwise it sounds very similar to yours, with our community house currently being rehabbed and remodeled. It has really opened me up to being friendly and helpful with the existing neighbors. I love it - one gave me seeds and lent me a shovel, another has his lawn guy do the strip of my yard between our property line and my driveway so I pay it forward on the other side of my yard. And I've taken on the stray cats by feeding and petting them until my cat rescue friend returns from a trip and can get them neutered and maybe adopted. It feels good here.
Start small, and get ready to print lots of flyers to tuck in peoples' doors or mailboxes. Just concentrate on your own block, or maybe one more in either direction, to start.
How about:
-hold a front yard barbeque with free hotdogs sponsored by your local grocer or police department, and soft drinks. Invite an ice cream truck for people to buy from, for dessert.
-Or, make it a fundraiser by contacting a worthy group to partner with, like the Girl Guides (that would be Girl Scouts in the US) or the local high school band program( and ask some of them to come play muisc for an hour or two, to make it festive).
-Reach out to your fire department, and ask them to do a fire safety talk in somone's garage or back yard in October (our local volunteer fire department does these as part of their campaign to remind people to change their smoke detector batteries, and if you ask them, they will typically bring lots of batteries for people to take home.
-do the same with your local police department, for home and property security tips, or a session covering online security and scam prevention. Most police departments ( or county sherriffs or state police agencies) have community officers who do all kinds of public education. )
-Set up a kid's parade for the evening before your 4th of July celebration, with small (less than $10) prizes for the best decorated bike, best decorated pet, and most creative costume. And have a hose they can drink from, ala 1982.
-Stage an outdoor harvest supper potluck , with people invited to dine outside at one location,( bring your iwn kawnchair to pull up to some folding tables from a local church) and everyone is sampling each other's food contributions. String lots of sparkly lights wherever you can, and have an ipod and a bluetooth speaker playing classic motown, big band, and American songbook tunes at a dinner party volume.
Small steps, one civic block or two at a time- you might be surprised by how many people feel just like you-craving a connection to their community, that is devoid of politics, and focuses on what you all enjoy about living where you do, and builds on it to grow something even better.
Of course, I'm Canadian, so I'm a cockeyed optimist when it comes to these things. But you don't know until you try. And start with minimal expectations-if even a handful of people respond, that's still better than before.
Well thank you, it's just a small assortment of ideas that might bring people out of their garages and back yards, to return to a bit of sociallife back onto their front lawns.
I really do think many folks lost alot of trust as an effect of COVID, lots of people had no choice but to spend too much time online. And too much social media, (with its algorithms dedicated to narrowing your focus) just builds curated silos that can warp peoples view of the world if they don't actively seek out in-person ways to engage with other folks.
So good luck this spring and summer-even if its just one activity ( planting flowers by your bus stops, painting some curbs, hosting a street chalk art day for all ages, or holding a big garage sale for folks to donate their stuff to be sold for a worthy local non-profit), I wish you the very best going forward!💪🫵
Paris. My electricity went out in the entire 60 sq. meters apartment last night. Having met my IT neighbor once since I moved in 2 weeks ago, I took two steps from my door and knocked him up. He took one long legged step into my front door as I handed him my iPhone with my landlord speaking French on the other end. I can do culture, music, art, novels, history, but no french vocabulary in electricity or plumbing problems. After running up and down the two flights of stairs several times to the main feed on the Rez de Chausse, fast forwarding to the "know your neighbors", a young woman same age as my IT man, bounced down the steps. Bonjour, I said. Bonjour in reply. I am Elizabeth. You? My IT neighbor was standing there my iPhone still in hand, uttered not a word. I realized they did not know each other. I introduced them. There are only 6 apartments in this building with a common courtyard on the Butte aux Cailles. Big smiles. I invited her in. She hesitated. Wow, I said to myself. I have alot of 60's camaraderie to introduce these fellow renters to. How long had they lived in this same tiny building with not a word of Hello? No idea. With just a bonjour I felt a possible change.
Maybe it’s synchronicity maybe it’s serendipity : construction on our street has forced all the neighbors out and about moving their vehicles ,we’re talking and it’s wonderful.
I feel very fortunate that I have landed in a neighborhood where I have gotten to know more than half the neighbors on my block—most of whom are transplants like me, no less! I know that a lot of the credit for that goes to one person who is very outgoing and community minded and creates lots of opportunities for interaction. I'm very grateful for that and try my hardest to do my bit, even when all I want to do is crawl back into my shell of introversion.
Seeing old movies and TV shows where neighbors of the lead characters play such prominent roles in their lives has always been something I feel I have missed out on due to what you are talking about here.
When my sister passed away, a friend who lives half an hour away had to drive to my house on the days of her visitation and funeral to take care of my dogs. Wouldn't it have been nice if I could have asked someone from my neighborhood?
And when my neighbor's sister passed away, she'd have had to figure out how to deal with that broken window on her own, on the day her sister died, if we hadn't gotten to know her a bit. She couldn't have physically done it herself.
It's bad enough to have no friends or family living nearby in good times. When you're dealing with death or any sort of disaster, it's far worse.
I live in a city and have a thriving social group, via hobbies and a faith community! But we are scattered all over the city, and I’ve found it hard to get to know my neighbors, even though I introduce myself.
I’ve worked really, really hard to try to build community in many ways – and honestly, I start getting burnt out and resentful. Just because I’m extroverted doesn't mean I want to always be the one organizing.
Also, hey, low blow on the singles living alone haha! That describes me now, though I lived with roommates (that I was very close to) and was in a relationship for years. A girl can’t force an eligible bachelor to appear!
So true. And something I miss. When I grew up, we all knew each other in the neighborhood and us kids were in and out of everyone's house except the couple next door who didn't have and didn't like kids. Kind of hard to do in metropolitan areas anymore. Peoples' lives are so busy and time and money are scarce. But it is what we need and aren't getting anymore. Thanks for bringing this up for me and other readers, Michelle.
This gives me hope (I read it after your newer essay on the bill). Has your husband told you about the expression “beter een goede buur dan een verre vriend”? Translation: better to have a good neighbor than a faraway friend.
"At one time or another I was inside every single one of them. " I have only been in 3 or 4 on my current street. However, the street I grew up on a FEW decades ago... as a young adult revisiting, one time I drove slowly down the street thinking about every house, and could remember being inside every one of them, at one time or another. We are talking about a street with roughly 50 houses!
What's the secret detail in the square? Love the quilt :)
I feel very lucky that our block has grown close and that we're a melting pot. We've got kids in five of the houses and play outside together whenever we're home. We collect our neighbor's mail and put out their trash cans when they're out of town.
Love this topic. I didn't realize until I moved to another country how ridiculous North America is with our desire for privacy. In my old book, I wrote an entire chapter about the differences I experienced between living in Canada and Jamaica, and how we North Americans take privacy to such a ridiculous degree.
I would love a more neighbourly vibe where I live.
I a very fortunate to live in a neighborhood that makes an effort to stay connected. We have an annual neighborhood festival at our city park and a Halloween party at the local community center every year. We also have a non-profit aging-in-place that helps keep our elderly neighbors in their homes. We produce a semi-annual newsletter in print that is distributed to all the homes to help us stay connected. We have varying political beliefs but learn to work through our differences. I moved here specifically for the community aspect of the neighborhood. It is a lower to middle class neighborhood and we’ve had our share of crime over the years since we are in the city. Overall though, we help one another through hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, and share resources as much as we can.
I live in cohousing. There is a movement in the U.S. where people are buying and building intentional neighborhoods. Much more than sharing random coffees, we have a common house for shared meals, two guest bedrooms, a craft room, community garden and orchard where members socialize and collaborate. The interstitial connections weave a fabric of security that I never found in a church or group. It’s also hard work to learn and create consensual styles of living. We all
have private homes thank goodness but we are growing a “we” space that is palpable. See cohousing.org
I think this is an idea whose time has come.
I have visited several of these in NC and FL and they are really amazing!
How would I go about finding these type of communities online? I never heard of them before. Sounds like something I wanna look into.
The commenter above posted a link cohousing.org and the communities I’ve visited personally are Eno Commons and Earthhaven in North Carolina and the Miccosukee Land Cooperative in N FL.
Wow, you're the first choosing resident I've come across around here. I'm an early adopter of one in Georgia, moved in 10 weeks ago as the second resident. We're basically taking over an existing neighborhood where 1/4 of the houses are in a holding agreement until one of us (early retirees, as young as 33 so far) wants to buy. Otherwise it sounds very similar to yours, with our community house currently being rehabbed and remodeled. It has really opened me up to being friendly and helpful with the existing neighbors. I love it - one gave me seeds and lent me a shovel, another has his lawn guy do the strip of my yard between our property line and my driveway so I pay it forward on the other side of my yard. And I've taken on the stray cats by feeding and petting them until my cat rescue friend returns from a trip and can get them neutered and maybe adopted. It feels good here.
Start small, and get ready to print lots of flyers to tuck in peoples' doors or mailboxes. Just concentrate on your own block, or maybe one more in either direction, to start.
How about:
-hold a front yard barbeque with free hotdogs sponsored by your local grocer or police department, and soft drinks. Invite an ice cream truck for people to buy from, for dessert.
-Or, make it a fundraiser by contacting a worthy group to partner with, like the Girl Guides (that would be Girl Scouts in the US) or the local high school band program( and ask some of them to come play muisc for an hour or two, to make it festive).
-Reach out to your fire department, and ask them to do a fire safety talk in somone's garage or back yard in October (our local volunteer fire department does these as part of their campaign to remind people to change their smoke detector batteries, and if you ask them, they will typically bring lots of batteries for people to take home.
-do the same with your local police department, for home and property security tips, or a session covering online security and scam prevention. Most police departments ( or county sherriffs or state police agencies) have community officers who do all kinds of public education. )
-Set up a kid's parade for the evening before your 4th of July celebration, with small (less than $10) prizes for the best decorated bike, best decorated pet, and most creative costume. And have a hose they can drink from, ala 1982.
-Stage an outdoor harvest supper potluck , with people invited to dine outside at one location,( bring your iwn kawnchair to pull up to some folding tables from a local church) and everyone is sampling each other's food contributions. String lots of sparkly lights wherever you can, and have an ipod and a bluetooth speaker playing classic motown, big band, and American songbook tunes at a dinner party volume.
Small steps, one civic block or two at a time- you might be surprised by how many people feel just like you-craving a connection to their community, that is devoid of politics, and focuses on what you all enjoy about living where you do, and builds on it to grow something even better.
Of course, I'm Canadian, so I'm a cockeyed optimist when it comes to these things. But you don't know until you try. And start with minimal expectations-if even a handful of people respond, that's still better than before.
Great Suggestions!
Love this! I took screenshots 😄
Well thank you, it's just a small assortment of ideas that might bring people out of their garages and back yards, to return to a bit of sociallife back onto their front lawns.
I really do think many folks lost alot of trust as an effect of COVID, lots of people had no choice but to spend too much time online. And too much social media, (with its algorithms dedicated to narrowing your focus) just builds curated silos that can warp peoples view of the world if they don't actively seek out in-person ways to engage with other folks.
So good luck this spring and summer-even if its just one activity ( planting flowers by your bus stops, painting some curbs, hosting a street chalk art day for all ages, or holding a big garage sale for folks to donate their stuff to be sold for a worthy local non-profit), I wish you the very best going forward!💪🫵
Thank you so much!
Paris. My electricity went out in the entire 60 sq. meters apartment last night. Having met my IT neighbor once since I moved in 2 weeks ago, I took two steps from my door and knocked him up. He took one long legged step into my front door as I handed him my iPhone with my landlord speaking French on the other end. I can do culture, music, art, novels, history, but no french vocabulary in electricity or plumbing problems. After running up and down the two flights of stairs several times to the main feed on the Rez de Chausse, fast forwarding to the "know your neighbors", a young woman same age as my IT man, bounced down the steps. Bonjour, I said. Bonjour in reply. I am Elizabeth. You? My IT neighbor was standing there my iPhone still in hand, uttered not a word. I realized they did not know each other. I introduced them. There are only 6 apartments in this building with a common courtyard on the Butte aux Cailles. Big smiles. I invited her in. She hesitated. Wow, I said to myself. I have alot of 60's camaraderie to introduce these fellow renters to. How long had they lived in this same tiny building with not a word of Hello? No idea. With just a bonjour I felt a possible change.
J’adore cette histoire ❤️
Maybe it’s synchronicity maybe it’s serendipity : construction on our street has forced all the neighbors out and about moving their vehicles ,we’re talking and it’s wonderful.
Couple of new ones on the block have been met!
Our childhoods were very similar!
Burgoo?
Individual cell phones make it worse...
I feel very fortunate that I have landed in a neighborhood where I have gotten to know more than half the neighbors on my block—most of whom are transplants like me, no less! I know that a lot of the credit for that goes to one person who is very outgoing and community minded and creates lots of opportunities for interaction. I'm very grateful for that and try my hardest to do my bit, even when all I want to do is crawl back into my shell of introversion.
I love this post and completely agree. So many problems can be solved by community. And I love the quilt — thank you for sharing!
Seeing old movies and TV shows where neighbors of the lead characters play such prominent roles in their lives has always been something I feel I have missed out on due to what you are talking about here.
We are missing out on a lot.
When my sister passed away, a friend who lives half an hour away had to drive to my house on the days of her visitation and funeral to take care of my dogs. Wouldn't it have been nice if I could have asked someone from my neighborhood?
And when my neighbor's sister passed away, she'd have had to figure out how to deal with that broken window on her own, on the day her sister died, if we hadn't gotten to know her a bit. She couldn't have physically done it herself.
It's bad enough to have no friends or family living nearby in good times. When you're dealing with death or any sort of disaster, it's far worse.
I live in a city and have a thriving social group, via hobbies and a faith community! But we are scattered all over the city, and I’ve found it hard to get to know my neighbors, even though I introduce myself.
I’ve worked really, really hard to try to build community in many ways – and honestly, I start getting burnt out and resentful. Just because I’m extroverted doesn't mean I want to always be the one organizing.
Also, hey, low blow on the singles living alone haha! That describes me now, though I lived with roommates (that I was very close to) and was in a relationship for years. A girl can’t force an eligible bachelor to appear!
So true. And something I miss. When I grew up, we all knew each other in the neighborhood and us kids were in and out of everyone's house except the couple next door who didn't have and didn't like kids. Kind of hard to do in metropolitan areas anymore. Peoples' lives are so busy and time and money are scarce. But it is what we need and aren't getting anymore. Thanks for bringing this up for me and other readers, Michelle.
I’m curious as to your age. I’m 59. Man, has the world changed a lot!
75
This gives me hope (I read it after your newer essay on the bill). Has your husband told you about the expression “beter een goede buur dan een verre vriend”? Translation: better to have a good neighbor than a faraway friend.
Lots of wisdom there
"At one time or another I was inside every single one of them. " I have only been in 3 or 4 on my current street. However, the street I grew up on a FEW decades ago... as a young adult revisiting, one time I drove slowly down the street thinking about every house, and could remember being inside every one of them, at one time or another. We are talking about a street with roughly 50 houses!
What's the secret detail in the square? Love the quilt :)
I feel very lucky that our block has grown close and that we're a melting pot. We've got kids in five of the houses and play outside together whenever we're home. We collect our neighbor's mail and put out their trash cans when they're out of town.
Look to the right. See that little white embroidered ghost?
That house was, for lack of a better word, haunted AF.
https://medium.com/minds-without-borders/growing-up-in-a-haunted-house-6c4351bf71d5
Very cool! I wasn't sure if that was a ghost or a spot of glare. Love it!
Love this topic. I didn't realize until I moved to another country how ridiculous North America is with our desire for privacy. In my old book, I wrote an entire chapter about the differences I experienced between living in Canada and Jamaica, and how we North Americans take privacy to such a ridiculous degree.
I would love a more neighbourly vibe where I live.
I a very fortunate to live in a neighborhood that makes an effort to stay connected. We have an annual neighborhood festival at our city park and a Halloween party at the local community center every year. We also have a non-profit aging-in-place that helps keep our elderly neighbors in their homes. We produce a semi-annual newsletter in print that is distributed to all the homes to help us stay connected. We have varying political beliefs but learn to work through our differences. I moved here specifically for the community aspect of the neighborhood. It is a lower to middle class neighborhood and we’ve had our share of crime over the years since we are in the city. Overall though, we help one another through hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, and share resources as much as we can.